Betrothed

God's Shouting. Are you listening?

2010-11-19T21:18:00.003-05:00

Why does pain happen? I don't have all the answers, but allow me to share something that I have experienced last week + weekend. My birthday is November 5 which was on a Friday this year. Well, I lost my phone on my way to downtown Chicago. I took the metra transportation and lost my phone during my ride. I live in a generation where we put most of our plans, alarms, and other information on our phones. I felt truly disconnected and weird without my phone.

The next day, Saturday, I got sick. I got a cold and my throat was acting up. Sunday, I went to take my roommate to church because she doesn't have a ride. I missed mine because I forgot about changing the time for the daylight's saving time (or w/e that thing is called). Well, it took FOREVER to find parking and when I did find parking, I went to the church, but the fire alarm went off. My roommate goes to an Anglican church and I guess that day was the day for the saints and they did so much incense that it set off the fire alarm. AND I also found out later that day that I couldn't call Lost&Found at the Metra Transportation Center until Monday 8am and it's not like I can go there because on Monday my intensive class started. So that just made me irritated b/c it seemed like nothing was going well.

On Monday, one of my intensive classes started (intensive class = a class that lasts all day for either 3 or 7 days..but this class was for 3 days from 8:30am-5:30pm). Well, I call Lost & Found and the lady tells me that I need to call at 9am because if I lost it on Friday then they won't get stuff until 9am. I couldn't call because I had my intensive class. Well, my roommate was awesome to get my phone for me, but when I got my phone back it seemed like it didn't really matter because I found out Monday night that my grandfather passed away on Sunday.

My dad asked if I could come to the funeral which was going to be held the next day, Tuesday 8pm in Flushing, NY. I told him that I would figure it out. So Tuesday comes along and it turns out that I can't anyway. My dad found out I had intensive classes and told me to stay anyway. So now I know that I can't go to my grandfather's funeral. Wednesday was the day for all the presentations to be done in class. My first presentation went well, but the most important presentation was the second presentation. I was the last one to go, but before it was my turn to go, I get a text from my brother telling me that I was the only one from my entire family that didn't go to the funeral. My family members from Brazil and California came. I was in Chicago and I couldn't go to the funeral...wow, that just messed me up emotionally. I haven't cried yet at all and I couldn't hold it in anymore I guess cuz I couldn't stop crying. I did my presentation anyway, but I basically screwed it up because I cried throughout my presentation.

On Thursday, my boyfriend "broke up" with me. And just when I thought I couldn't get any lower, I sought some friends of mine that I knew lived next to me, but they were unavailable at the time. Although I knew they were probably busy (if I were to think like normal and not going through all these things), I had thought at the time that they had forgotten me and didn't care about me at all. This was not the case of course, but when you are in pain and are suffering, you attack yourself.

I never had bad stuff happen to me EVERY day like this before so I didn't understand and couldn't make sense of it, but the one thing I constantly did throughout was proclaim: God is good all the time and all the time, God is good!

Even when I didn't feel God near or feel Him near, I still proclaimed it because I believed He was. Why is it that it is during our pain and suffering when we cry out to God the most? Sometimes I think that God shouts to us everyday and we don't listen because we're havin a great time so it seems like whispering more than shouting. When I was in pain and I sought after Him through my cries, He seemed to be shouting already...not in hate. No. But in love. Telling me things like "I love you. You are not alone. You are never alone. Come to Me. I am trying to reach you, but I want you to choose to come to Me. I love you; I love you!" Oh what a fool I was if I ever doubted. Oh what a fool I was if I rejected Him. How great is our God!

Anyway, the next day, it kept getting better and better. I got back together with my boyfriend (he talked to me. It was a miscommunication. I had misheard because I was emotional and was going through a lot. I wanted to hear what I wanted to hear because I was attacking myself because I was in pain), hung out with a lot of friends who cared, and felt the peace of God.

Peace...

True peace is when you can find it in the midst of darkness and struggle. And I found it when I continued to proclaim that God is good throughout this period of bad stuff. I cannot guarantee that your pain will go away and that a Christian life is extremely easy (um, because it's NOT ::read my post prior to this one::), but what I can guarantee is that no matter what happens, God is good all the time.

C.S. Lewis once said, "God whispers in our pleasures, but shouts in our pain."

Commit to the Struggle

2010-10-15T00:07:00.004-04:00

Ever have those days where you just want to quit...give up...on everything n just do whatever? Ever cry so many times for no reason? Ever want something to work out n keep thinkin about how it would, but u could never wrap your head around on how it could? I had a couple weeks of these days. I scream in my head sometimes. Not really a great feeling n shootin myself with loads of coffee just to pass the day somewhat alive is not all that inspiring really...

So many thoughts and so many voices tellin contradictory things, but at least they got somedin in common: negative-ness... -.-*

Who ever said that bein Christian would be a road of easy-sailin??...i wanna smack that person n label that person insane. Following Christ is hard especially in a world that doesn't follow Him so easily.

Here I am in Wheaton College Graduate School for my masters and the warfare seems to be gettin worse...which is both good and bad. Good - b/c the more battles mean at least I'm gettin further n that someone naughty wants me to stop doin what i'm doin. And bad - b/c I sometimes get weary of the battles that keep coming. Funny thing about our journeys with God. He might give you a season of rest and peace, but the further you go with God to advance His Kingdom, the more adversity you face and the higher the "cross you have to pick up and carry" as you go (think of it this way: the higher u rise in an army, the higher the stakes with the enemies wanting to kill u n specifically target u).

There's danger everywhere. Your enemies are out there; shoot, even u urself can be an enemy - isn't that just ironic.

But here's the thing that I think some people miss out on when they convert to Christianity. It's not about prosperity like some preachers out there preach. It's not about how many people "you" can convert (there's no way u can save anyone anyhow). It's not about your safety. Dude, who said that following Christ and bein with God is a safe thing to do? No! There's a huge level of cost that everyone must consider before trusting Christ - surrender all. (that takes a lot of boldness to have that much humility).

Everything that was is now all about Him. His holistic mission to extend His rule and authority is now our mission and we need to carry this through. There's a reason why there's an Armor of God and the need to polish our armor and sharpen our Sword (Sword of the Spirit/Word of God/Truth/Christ). Who said anything about safe n smooth-sailin? God's desire is for the entire world to be under His authority n let me tell you why this is a good thing. God's authority over our lives means that our image is in Him. Our image being from Him means that we have our identity in Him. When we lose our identity and having God as our authority over our lives, we're basically screwed...we stop living and we just...exist - all the while deep within, we're searching for the very thing we've lost. Our mission is to extend God's authority to everyone. It's their choice to accept God's authority over their lives; we can't force it, but we can offer it to them.

He is indeed good and His authority is indeed a good thing.

The question is...to those of us who have counted the cost we'll face in this spiritual warfare upon us, are we warriors committed to the struggle? Regardless of any battle we fight in. Regardless of the enemies we need to fight against. Regardless of the number of enemies we may fight with at the same time. Regardless if we might lose some battles. Are we warriors that are committed to the struggle? To this fight to serve our King? Or are we just traditional people wearing dusty armor and carrying dull swords?

If indeed the last question is something that speaks to you, you need to choose to either not fight at all or to change what needs to be changed now! Time is running out for us all; don't be a fool to think otherwise.

>>>>
This is something I wrote for myself to encourage myself to commit to the struggle. I guess a little sermon I found myself preaching to myself. I seriously cannot fail now. There's just too much I have to do in this war. My prayer for us all is to catch the light of the Truth we believe in and find strength in the vision of what is to come in times of weariness and in times where darkness tries to stop us aggressively. God is the same God now as He was when He spoke everything into existance with just His voice. He is powerful beyond all measure; what or who have we to fear except Him?

Actual Humility

2010-04-27T22:41:00.002-04:00

So Dallas Theological Seminary's hero, Chuck Swindoll, came by to preach again :) He said something that really spoke to me. U know those people in life that is always honest and flat out "straight with you". Of course it's great from time to time, but honestly it can get pretty irritating and annoying, BUT it's humbling and great for character building.

His message spoke to me about humility. I think it is great that God really loves us and cares about us to send people that will "rub us the wrong way" so that we can grow with each other and progress closer to God by allowing people in our lives to show us what we ourselves need to work on (whether we want to see it or not)

Although you can learn tolerance and perseverance, you can further it and look at it in a positive way by looking at it like discipline and uncovering the things we refuse to see within ourselves. Nobody likes to admit that they're in the wrong, but got no problem is seeing and pointing out the wrongs in others.

Man, this new season of mine is all about character building and it is a butt kicker :) but a good one though (of course it doesn't feel good while ur in the process, but i'm sure that when i look back on all the times God has guided me through the stages of character building, I recognize what an amazing privilege it is to be butt kicked by God)

lol hope nobody gets me wrong and think that God's out there just to "get us", but rather with us as we get closer to Him. We fall short of His glory and need His help to move forward and it is by His strength that we can do all things :)

well this is my "blah blah" for today and again, it's been a while since my last post...

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2010-02-16T10:26:00.005-05:00

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Random

2009-11-20T01:30:00.002-05:00

I REALLY wanna make turkey and stuffing this year, but was invited to TWO Thanksgiving dinners on Thursday...n I plan on going to both because I love meeting new people. Lol maybe I'll make it for myself for Christmas n eat leftovers till new years lol

Anyway I wish you a good Thanksgiving, a merry Christmas, and a happy new year :)

need to think of a new year's resolution...hmmmmm~

I guess what I mean to say

2009-11-19T15:42:00.004-05:00

...if anyone misunderstood my last post. I was challenging myself to step it up/step up my fighting because we're in a spiritual war. My old man is tryin to get me, but Jesus Christ already freed me. My mind keeps comin back to my old ways, but Jesus Christ encourages me with His way that's not like my old days.

My self offers comfort n false "luxury" n Jesus Christ offers me Truth n freedom...but I gotta fight because I'm living temporarily in a world that offers me no good.

Self is the bottom pit within that tries to tap into my heart, but I gotta remind my mind that my heart is the temple in which God lives within as a part of me.

I don't intend to be false n say that I got it all cuz I don't. I don't intend to be false n say I got nuthin cuz Jesus got me.

I wanna be real in this life n fight instead of sleep. I wanna be awake n not be conformed.

To be of one mind and one body; the word UNITY - the way God intended His church to be.

Holdin up my faith as a shield. Speaking truth like swinging a sword against a foe. Walking with guided feet.

I am alive because He died for me. I am able to fight because He rose up for me. I am able to love because He loved me. I am able to continue because He speaks to me...guiding me, training me, encouraging me, n testifying that He is at all times with me.

Fighting My Typical Old Man

2009-11-18T15:51:00.006-05:00

Wow yea, it's been so long since I last posted...guess i'm not gonna finish my journal of my summer when i went all over europe.

Ok what's new? Well I live in Dallas TX...basically downtown area I guess?? i dunno really, but i go to Dallas Theological Seminary...for how long? Well my major curriculum plan says for 3 years, but I don't plan 3 years in advance. Plans change...maybe Wheaton in Chicago? who knows, but God!

What have I learned? You can only depend on God! Yea yea yea, everybody Christian knows that...well, I knew that. I've always known that, but seeing it up in ur face....bein reality-slapped...or what I call "wisdom-slapped"...yea, she (wisdom) slapped me hard. I guess I just got a deeper revelation of what I knew before.

And that's that. I truly understood a DEEPER and CLOSER relationship with God is supposed to be like. Now i'm not saying to move away from all family n friends. I still believe that there are no such things as a Lone Ranger Christian! but hear what I mean to say.

There are times in life when God leads you to a season of learning...basically, where God disciplines you like any loving Father would do to where ur finally saying, "ooohhhh I get it now." and then get ur act together.

I must say, I've realized how IMmature I was...still am I bet. I have a lot of things to work on. God was saying, "if u wanna be a speaker, u better live what u speak. R u livin what u wanna speak?"

"......no" I replied like a loser

"Then get ur act together, Gomer." lol

"Ok T_T" (T_T is a face expression that means sad tears. T is tears from the eye lol)

See the thing is, I get bored a lot. It's not the fact that God's boring, it's me. i'm the one that's boring. I don't read the Bible sometimes. I also don't witness as much as I should. I remember that I'd tell my youth group kids to "Go forth now!" Most times, I get caught up with just goin with the flow n end up bein flat out lazy. Watchin movies, cleaning the house, goin to classes, doin the homework, learning Greek, writing papers n modules of strategic ministry planning...actually, seminary's pretty easy for me right now (dunno if it's cuz we're just goin thru the basics or not. I mean, I am a first year in seminary). Anyway, point being: I'm not as "great" as I'd like to be as a Christian. GASP i know -.-* what kind of Christian am I?!

n u know what the answer is? "Typical."

That's right. If I wanna be who God wants me to be in the future (n so far He's guiding me to be an influential speaker), then I gotta step up my game and live my life in a way where it can back up what I'll say in the future as a speaker.

My encouragement to anyone who is like me: We're of one body and we serve only one King. We have the victory anyway in Jesus Christ so don't be the one who doesn't have a story to tell at the Wedding Banquet. And btw, I know u have great potential to tell one awesome story on that day about what you have done as a part of God's army.

(I'm in the process of writing a fictional story. I've posted it before here, but I think it's appropriate to close this blog entry):

My Beloved, awake…
Awake…
A whisper blew by my ear. Did I confuse the wind for a voice? I do not know. Physical damages: flesh cut deep, broken ribs; my body is drained, but still burning alive within. Feeling came to the tip of my fingers and I felt the earth – wet, grained-like, and weak against my fingertips. Smell came through to my nostrils and I began to breathe slowly and deeply – the smell of the earth matched the soil I had felt with my fingers. I now felt my cheek upon the hard earth. I have been laying here awhile. Awake, awake, O Sleeper…
The eyelids of mine lifted. Darkness became light and I began to see the world around me. It did not change from before. The earth my feet stood upon was of dark color and what was upon my feet was the color of silver armor tainted. Yes, I was in the midst of war with the Great Illusionist and his minions. My head lifted and my hands pressed against the earth in the effort of lifting myself up. For a moment, I could not breathe. As I tried to stand, the dead weight of my leg carried me back to the earth.
I cried. After I took a few breaths, I whispered in pain, “This injures me not!”
The warmth of my blood ran down my injured leg, but the fiery heat of my blade burned for my hand – it called out to me! I reached for the heat and grasped tightly at the ready handle. With one sharp painful grunt, I gave my all to thrust my blade into the earth. By doing so, the ground turned to rock. With my fainting strength, I lifted myself off the ground and tried to stand. My sword stood ready at my hand and calmed my fall as it punctured the earth even deeper. I finally decided to look down and examine the damage.
My eyes lied upon my wounds and found the source of my burning pain. The damage had been done by the many flaming arrows and the attacks from all the demons that had no agenda other than to dethrone my King. I grabbed hold of the handle of my sword and transformed my weight to my sword again as I forced myself to stand once more. The pain from my body made my lips utter the words that only pain could utter.
As soon as I lifted my head, my enemy stood a good distance before me. I lifted my shield and immediately held my sword upright as my reflex was trained to do. I forgot my pain. With my breath heavy and my body burning, I walked around in a circle with my enemy. His eyes were filled with hatred as he glared at me. A beautiful angel to any naked eye, but beware for he was the Great Illusionist. His powers consisted of seduction and his purpose was to seek, destroy, and devour. He can seduce you with false promises of what your heart deeply desired and corrupt you all from the start of your mind. Evil words he spoke; destruction he sought, but always in the form of bright colors.
I stood firm upon the Rock on which I stood made earlier from my sword. He circled around me with hateful eyes. His aura offered fear and false riches, but none I shall take for my King is the One I serve truly. His beautiful figure turned to what he truly was – an evil sight.
“Join me~.” He whispered in what seemed like a thousand voices.
Anger spurned within as I replied, “My service thou canst seek; it belongs to another!”
“Can thou defeat my fire?!”
I held my sword as a threat towards my enemy and shouted, “Can thou defeat Mine?”

June 21, 2009 - June 22, 2009

2009-07-31T02:43:00.003-04:00

So it's the next day Sunday. We go to my grandmother's church. ate at the church. went back to her place to change before she dropped us off on Main Street n we walked to the subway to go to Manhattan. We walked around Manhattan. We went through Macy's - all 9 floors! We went to Borders n checked out their foreign films section - pretty decent stuff. We bought a traveler's guide book that my bro liked. Came back to Flushing n took a bus from there to our grandmother's house.

June 22, 2009

We chilled till it was time to take a taxi to JFK airport to go to Heathrow airport in London to begin our tour :) I watched a Japanese movie called Suspect X - it was really good. N i also watched Australia. Yea i didn't really sleep during the flight.

Contiki Europe Escapade 2009

2009-07-26T08:31:00.003-04:00

I went on a trip - my first out of the country trip! It was such a blessing from God for me to see a glimpse of my future n it's great fuel to keep me going even stronger towards my dream! I'll be writing entries for each day during the trip starting from this entry :)

June 20, 2009

We woke up extremely early - 5am. I thought i could stay up all night, but ended up sleeping at 3am so i only had about 2 hrs of sleep. good goin Grace. My dad dropped us off at the airport in Tampa. We got everything situated with our luggages n got on the plane to New York! We arrived in the morning closing in on the afternoon. We took a taxi to our grandmother's place n chilled for the day. Our grandmother took us to a korean restaurant to eat some nengmyun (it's a noodle dish) for dinner. It was SO good! :p

We came back n slept.

Youtube Videos

2008-12-29T21:05:00.007-05:00

i know this isn't anything spiritual, but these youtube videos intrigued me lol. I got them from none other than Onew and Samuel. They showed me them and it made me laugh a lot. Maybe one of these videos will either amaze you or make u laugh. Enjoy! :)

This video actually amazed me:

Chistianize the Lion

This one as well!! His name is Nick Pitera:

All I Ask of You - Phantom of the Opera

A Whole New World - Aladdin

This is for all those who love Call of Duty:

Call of Duty 4

Kinda same as the last one:

Amateur Lasse Gjertsen

Hypocrites

2008-12-29T18:52:00.007-05:00

Anyone heard of the book The Reasons for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism by Timothy Keller. I haven't read the book all the way yet, but I've skimmed through it and some of the quotes by people in New York intrigued me greatly! I thought: "Wow! Christians SUCK!!"

Most of the quotes made u think of all the hypocrites out there and I just hate it when people say they're something when they're not JUST to ease their conscience and say, "I'm a good person." type of crap. Dude, hold up to what u are. If ur a Christian, be a Christian. Actually, this kinda goes along with the last post I made here...which wasn't my point...

Anyway, this book is really good (so far..I gotta finish it)!! Timothy basically responds to seven common objections to religion in general and/or Christianity in particular based upon the people he have met in New York.

It's just so amazing how much fighting we must do as Christians...can u imagine, a dark battle scene where the soldiers who fight for the King on one side and all the people infected with a black disease controlling them. We, the soldiers of the King, are trying to attack the black strings attached to their bodies without harming them, but it's hard because they're swingin at us as hard as they can...

Sometimes u might not want to help them and have them suffer under the hands of the one controlling the black strings because they've hurt u too much sometimes. But u can't because u know ur duty to the King. When they strike, u must hold ur shield. You must not damage them or treat them like they don't matter because u used to be just like them and our King delivered us a mission to guide them back to Him. When u swing ur sword, u must strike only the black strings that hold onto them. The blackness has confused them and have taken control of their flesh.

Amongst our army there are people who we thought are fighting on our side, but when u come to strike ur sword at the black strings, those certain "soldiers" block ur strike making u miss ur target. And then u realize, ur comrade is not a comrade at all. U've been fighting so hard in this war trying to get those black strings away from the people....and what's this??

ok, now ur TICKED! Can u imagine it? That's basically what's happening in this world. There are so many amongst us that basically "feeds the fire" and "keeps the black strings stronger". This really ticks me off because u know what? They are defying our King's name. Our King once said to us to never take His name in vain. This is so important for every soldier out there because every soldier bears the crest of the King - His name is being represented by the armor we wear (meaning how we live our lives). When we fight as one army, we must fight together...but we have amongst us impostors.

I would like to apologize on behalf of the whole army of the King because of those impostors who slow us down from fulfilling our mission.....

But u know what keeps me fighting even though this discourages me greatly? It's the fact that in the end, we'll raise our swords and shout in victory as we see our King standing in front of us with a smile saying, "Well done, my good and faithful servants."

Shutup For Once

2008-09-18T09:57:00.005-04:00

Let's talk about our words and then look at our actions. Do they match? See the problem with most people is that people are ready to answer that question with an easy "yes" instead of really opening themselves and really thinking about how we live our lives.

How many fights have you been in with your friends? I bet it was all their fault right? Cmon, the reality is that it takes two to fight.

What happened to vulnerability? of course no one wants to be vulnerable..it's invasive; it's against human nature. Human nature (aka: FLESH) tells you to never accept that you're in the wrong and that you're always right in whatever situation or argument you're in. Vulnerability/Humility is the first step to take in order to be in a TRUE intimate and passionate relationship with God.

Most of the time Christians think they're really intimate and passionate for God, but they're really not. Let me tell you, I am not intimate and passionate for God. You know how I know that? Because I don't have enough faith to raise the dead, heal the sick, walk on water, etc because if I were to have enough faith for these things, I'd be able to do it in an instant like the disciples and apostles were able to do with just a single phrase in the name of Jesus. Now don't get me wrong, our goal is not to do these miracles. I'm talking about faith.

I know many who say that they're humble all the time and boast about their talents. Guess what...A humble person would never say that they're humble or boast for that matter. I know many who say that they'll "pray for you", but really they don't (no i don't stalk them, but they do admit that they've forgotten about it the next day you ask them about your prayer request). I know many who say that they care for the lost, but don't because their apathy make them stay in the background in the classes (never really saying much unless they're called or need to borrow a pen or something). I know many who want attention..like Amy said..that's a part of being insecure.

No, i'm not perfect. Yes, i have issues as well. But the one thing that i've realized for quite some time is that we like to talk...and it's time to actually walk it out.

Rambling My Thoughts

2008-08-29T12:22:00.004-04:00

I felt a heavy presence last night...It wasn't bad; it was really good, but it brought a seriousness that hasn't been felt in such a long time. This is a new season which brings new change and new obstacles. Something is about to blow...something good. But let's look before the big bang...there will be a lot of pain and struggles. We've went through a lot of them already through the summer which i find interesting cuz we went through James and Philippians: JOY IN SUFFERINGS!

Now it's at a weird stage...the feeling of strange peace before the big climax. Before entering the nursing building, i felt a big tug in my heart. Throughout the end of the summer to now, i felt a difference in the air at FSU. Something's different. Maybe it's because it's my last year here, but i doubt that's the reason.

We prayed at the usual prayer meeting before E.N.C.M. at 7-7:30. I haven't prayed the way i did in a long time..He put words in my mouth and the main focus seemed to be "Intercede for the lost just as I intercede for you to My Father."

And i looked around at the people around me and i thought, "It's time to step it up." We, as leaders and His disciples, have the responsibility to listen to the convictions of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will teach us what we need to fix to be better and closer to God, but if we were to not listen to those convictions and do something about them we would be sinning.

How many convictions have been brought to your attention and you still have yet to change them? Let me tell you, we will be judged for not listening to the Holy Spirit. I don't know about you, but I have been at fault with this..I have also been at fault for not caring about the lost to intercede for them. I am being vulnerable here because vulnerability is where we find humility. Without humility, we cannot have an open heart..and without an open heart, we cannot obtain the revelation from God of who Jesus really is.

Jesus intercedes for us. Our job is to follow Christ's example and be as He is in all areas. If he intercedes, we must intercede. Who do we intercede for? This is easy: who are the ones we are meant to reach out to? The Lost.

Answered Prayer

2008-06-04T10:09:00.003-04:00

I'm supposed to blog about Prophecy Night, but I REALLY wanted to do this post instead. Every Christian knows that God answers prayer, but has anyone ever thought that you, yes you, can be an answered prayer to someone specific only because you listened to God and continued to die to your flesh daily and carry the cross?

Ok, so last summer I started working at Burgundy and it was only because I needed any kind of job. I hated it (Gotta be honest lol). Sometimes, God guides you to places and seasons and you won't see why or understand until later. Well, I can definately say why God chose Burgundy. While others wouldn't hire me, Burgundy hired me before I even walked in (connections and all).

Anyway, after last summer I thought I would NEVER go back, but I somehow did. One of the managers called me and asked for me to be a temp. manager because both of the managers were going to Korea and needed someone who had worked from the beginning and someone that they also trusted (aka a korean person - let's be honest). Anyway, these Korean managers wanted me to be a temp. manager so I agreed.

I started working on May 23. Such a random date!! And I end on June 20. On that Friday, May 23, I met my employee Jamaal and boy did we have a good talk about God. Basically I witnessed which was awesome (it's always awesome to talk about God). Second time I worked (that following Tuesday), i met my other employee Roderick and we also had a good talk about God. jamaal and roderick were in the same place with God (say that their Christians but live unlikely).

BUT something SO AWESOME happened. I met my third employee the third day i worked - Robert. This man loves God. I knew it when i met him because my spirit felt a peace with him and i immediately asked him if he knew God and we talked about Him. I got a few pictures and words for him..basically i prophecied over him - just God speaking through to him you know.

it ended up to where i invited him to join encm, ent, and my spiritual family. In no way is he obligated to join, but i invited cuz i felt a sense of loss with these things - especially a spiritual family. And this is what he told me. He has been praying for a spiritual family for over a year!!! And then I knew...not only did God use me to witness, but to also be someone's answered prayer. My family - my brothers and sisters from encm and ent - are Robert's answered prayer. Borah's an answered prayer to Robert. Josh's an answered prayer to Robert. Derek's an answered prayer to Robert, Roberto's an answered prayer to Robert. Rajat's an answered prayer to Robert. Bradley's an answered prayer to Robert. Dude...i can go on and on!!

But do u get the point?? IT'S SO AWESOME TO BE USED BY GOD!!!!!!!!

Chapter One

2008-05-22T14:26:00.004-04:00

I have already posted the prologue of my story "The War for Souls" and so I wanted to share with you the introduction of the first chapter. Keep in mind again that everything I post dealing with my story is subject to change because it is always a rough draft - an outline you might say. Ok, so enjoy:

Chapter One:

“Let us make man sovereign over this land we Holies of Three call Eden.” A great majestic voice spoke.

Another with a soft voice that sounded like the waves of the sea replied, “O King, Thy love unconditional strikes beginning with a mortal man. We Holies of Three shall make man sovereign over the land called Eden.”

“Great King, Teacher, and Son, do allow this servant a piece of this fortune. I will rise and be sovereign; why give my fortune to a mere mortal man?” A voice full of evil intent spoke in the courts.

“The Law has been writ; it cannot be changed so long as I shall live, fallen angel.” The first voice replied with authority.

“We, the Holies of Three, shall create a world where mortals live with free will. May it begin with a single breath of life.” The second added

And so it began. The King created by His own words a great land within the world of Spirea and named it Eden. The land of Eden became a kingdom great in beauty and was well known for its gardens and its abundance of fruit and vegetation. Its glory came from the sparkling unceasing waters that fed the land with its natural riches. The King by His own words divided the great waters into seas, rivers, ponds, lakes, and springs. From one giant river turned to four other rivers spreading all throughout the garden. The name of the first is Pison and it starts from this land and flows to the land of Havila, where there is gold and the gold of that land is good: there is bdellium and the onyx stone, which is known to every mortal man as the City of Gold. And the name of the second river is Gihon. And the name of the third river is Hiddekel which runs towards the east. And the fourth river is Euphrates.

He also made the ground to His liking: green grass, soft and hard sand, tall and small trees that bore fruit of all kinds. Afterwards, He allowed animals of all kinds of species dwell in this land – all anointed with a voice and a heart of service to the destined mortal man. This destined mortal man was mentored by the King Himself and his wife also was a servant of the King. The King blessed them with marriage and the land to start their life giving titles of nobility. In this land they were known as the King and Queen and it was important to know that this land was not only a land and kingdom, but ultimately the Garden of the King. The King’s Garden was the very beginning and ironically the beginning of my story...

There's more, but i'm not willing to share it just yet. I still have a lot of images, plots, words, etc to settle first and make it presentable (aka: make sense) :)

The next blog, i'll prolly talk about prophecy night ^.^

Letting Go

2008-05-21T20:45:00.003-04:00

Prophecy night...yes they are fantastic, but I feel like we're doing too much of it to the point where we're concentrating on the future and not on God. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks this way and am doing this. I just finally got to the point where I'm gonna live daily and not think about my future.

See, what my problem became was that I was starting to think about my future instead of just chillin. Instead of "What will it be? Your family or Me?", I feel God asking, "What will it be? Your 'future' or Me?" And I just realized, You're right, God. I don't care if i do NOT go to London. I don't care if I don't do anything in Europe. I don't care if I stay in America. Why? Because I know that YOU are the One who created me so YOU know what my heart desires. YOU know what's best for me.

You know what? I'm not gonna think or worry about my future anymore...because it takes too much time. Tomorrow is never granted. Only God knows the future. I know you guys probably don't have to this problem...yea i'm just pouring my heart out i guess..

"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money. " Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesnt do it, sins." James 4:13-17

Dark Phases

2008-05-14T19:37:00.003-04:00

Straying. Falling. Silent. Stillness. Wilderness. Darkness. Alone. Cold. Tears. Broken.

Ever felt any of these words? I have...plenty of times in all areas of my life. We have all felt them. We have all felt God being far away...no - us being far away...to the point where we feel like we're straying..falling..and it's silent..it's all still..could it be the wilderness? I dunno..it's dark..and i feel alone...is it getting cold in here? No, I feel cold. Wait, my cheeks feel hot..what, tears? why? Oh, I'm broken...now I see that's why.

God..I know You're here, but why do I miss You so? Why can I not hear You anymore? My dreams turned dark: black magical world. Scrawny black hands with sharp nails grabbing my shoulders. A murderer set out to kill me.

What happened to the peacful dreams? The ones where I kiss Your scarred wrists? The ones where I lay my head on Your lap as You carress my head with Your fingertips which give me dreams of heaven.

There are times in our lives where we might feel this way. Where we might get discouraged in our walk...where we will miss Him in our relationship with Jesus and we're trying our best to seek Him out because we miss Him so much, but have you ever thought that during those times it's when He is smiling at you because you are seeking Him? Dark dreams may be ways of saying, "Satan wants you more than you may ever know. Why? Because you're in way too deep with God."

Talk to God and seek Him with a passion. Reach to new levels and be bold..never give in to depressing thoughts - thoughts of how unworthy you are because you know what? You're worthy. You have great value in the eyes of God and His eyes are enflamed with intense fire...He sees things we cannot see and if He says that we have value in His eyes...you better believe it.

It's Just A Story, But...

2008-05-11T02:01:00.007-04:00

As I walked along the highway, I wiped the sweat off my brows and shook my shirt for the wind to blow through. The cars were passing by very fast - some very luxurious and others not. The people seemed pretty busy trying to get to their destination. When do they get the time to just breathe?

The sun hot and my jeans rubbing against my legs; my sweat running as the heat bounced from the dark highway and onto me. Low and behold, my journey on this particular highway was over when i saw the coming exit. The sign told me of a small town that it led to. I walked and followed the directions. I wonder if they're waiting for me...

I looked up to check the sun; afternoon was saying, "hello." I finally arrived; out on the green grass, I saw many children running around and the adults laughing by the fun and games that the festivities of Easter had brought. Here I was with my hair messed up with all the natural traveling and my clothes diritied from all my previous journeys. I wonder if they're waiting for me...

I walked with a smile. Maybe this time it will be different. Maybe this time they are waiting for me. Maybe this time... At any rate, I was walking towards the people in their best easter dresses and suits; the buildings of what it represented comforted me and I needed the comfort for I traveled very far and still have many places left to go.

"You there!" A voice called
I stopped and replied, "Yes?"
"What are you doing here?" The elderly had asked.
"I've come by to visit. May I-"
He interrupted, "I'm sorry, but you'll have to leave the premises."
"I'm sorry?"

I didn't understand. I thought they were waiting for me. I thought they wanted me. I thought...

"Sir, you're scaring the children and now, we don't want to make any trouble." He continued to tell me.
I sighed and understood, "I understand. I'll go if that is what you want."
I turned around with my heart once again heavy. When the man, who must have been a deacon, spoke to me, I felt the stares of condescension and mothers grabbing hold of their young ones to guard them from me; I could feel their desire to protect them from what they thought I was capable of.

Feeling guilty, the man called out, "Sir, what's your name? Maybe we can call the police so they can find you some sort of shelter or something."
I replied with a faint smile, "It's all right. I have many places to go - this being one of them. I am looking for my home and my children. I have a long journey ahead and I'm sorry for wasting your time."
I walked a couple of steps before turning to say, "My name? Some call me Father, but most call me Jesus."

My Thoughts In The Early Morning

2008-05-07T04:57:00.000-04:00

Here i am watching Joan of Arc. It rises me so many emotions and tears. WHY DO PEOPLE NOT LISTEN TO GOD?!!! WHY DO THEY NOT LISTEN?!! And when God grants victory, WHY DO THEY TURN FROM GOD?!! Why is it so hard? How easy it is for man to falter..how cold of the hardened heart. There is no trust. There is no faith. When reward taunts their eyes, they easily fake belief and it looks so believable and true, but in the underlining and in the deepest of their heart, they do not believe and they do not trust and have faith in God.

The world cries. Do you hear the cry? The screams are unbearable to those who hear. And the sight?? It's torment. It's terrible. i cannot speak anymore on this right now. i must pray:

Lord Lord i pray that i will never be greedy, selfish, hard in heart, or anything that will hinder me from even seeing You. Lord God, i pray that when taunted with even the most tempting of temptations, I WILL NOT FALTER IN OBEYING YOU!!! Lord, may i always seek Your face and trample on my enemies - the demons who work for the one who is so below You. i pray for my soul to brighten this dark world and that I will rise up with my brothers and sisters to make a flaming torch that no one has ever seen before. Unclog my ears daily. Unscale my eyes daily. Remove all sin from my tongue and mind. Control my thoughts to be only Your thoughts. May my mind focus on You and You alone. Guide me, console me. Lord Lord! I pray that Your voice - Your magnificent and powerful two-edged sword tongue will speak through me. God, my Father, i cannot sleep. It's 5:34 am. i have never slept this late i think. My mind is pumping. It hurts and it's hard to breathe. This is really important. i want to be someone You want me to be. Whatever YOU want, i want to want. Whatever Your will is, i desire my will to be Your will. You. You. You. You. You. You. It has always been about You. How stupid am i whenever i grow arrogant...whenever i grow prideful...whenever i feel like i don't need You...whenever i stray from You!! Reveal Your mysteries. Reveal Your knowledge. Lord Jesus, can i be in unison with You now? Can i see Your eyes - Your lovely fire-consumed eyes? May i touch Your feet? May i even come close and sit near Your throne?

i have some words to the one who tries so hard to make me fall:

satan, you are evil; you cannot hurt me; you cannot win - you don't even deserve caps when i'm talking to you right now. you have been defeated by what Christ Jesus, the Son of God, did on the cross and His resurrection completed the process to connect Him with me. I am His - not yours. I love Him - not you. I obey Him - not you. I serve Him - not you. I bow down to Him - not you. I abhor sin and you. - you who lead so many into deception. When you know deeply that you cannot win against God, yet you still stubbornly hold on to false hope that you can win. Without God, you are nothing. And because God loves me and with me always, you are nothing to me.

The White Stone and the Morning Star

2008-04-29T13:34:00.000-04:00

Carrying on from the last post, I'll explain what the two things are: "...and will give him a white stone, and in the stone a new name written, which no man knoweth saving he that receiveth it." and "And I will give him the morning star." Verse 17 and 28 of chapter 2 in Revelation.

Basically, the white stone is a ticket and a reward and the morning star is another name for Jesus Christ.

FIRST off, the white stone:

According to Baker Commentary on the Bible, white stone = ticket/voting piece. "The new name on the white stone is that of being a Christian, for whom everything was made new (new covenant [Luke 22:20, 1Cor 2:25, 2Cor 3:6, Heb 8:8], new commandment [John 13:34, 1John2:8], new creature [2Cor 5:17, Gal 6:15], new man [Eph 2:15, 4:24], new heavens and new earth [2 Peter 3:13, Rev 21:1], New Jerusalem [Rev 3:12, 21:2], all things new [2 Cor 5:17, Rev 21:5]. In antiquity a white stone was used as an entrance ticket, or voting piece. Here it guarantees us entrance into God's kingdom and blessing" (pg 1205).

According to William MacDonald's Believer's Bible Commentary, "The white stone has been explained in many ways. It was a token of acquittal in a legal case. It was a symbol of victory in an athletic contest. It was an expression of welcome given by a host to his guest. It seems clear that it is a reward given by the Lord to the overcomer and expressing individual approval by Him. Alford says that the new name indicates acceptance by God and title to glory" (pg 2357).

According to MacArthur's Bible Commentary, "white stone. When an athlete won in the games, he was often given, as part of his prize, a white stone which was an admission pass to the winner's celebration afterwards. This may picture the moment when the overcomer will receive his ticket to the eternal victory celebration in heaven. new name. A personal message from Christ tot he ones He loves, which serves as their admission pass into eternal glory. It is so personal that only the person who receives it will know what it is" (pg 1997-1998).

SECOND, the morning star:

In all of the commentary's that I've read, they've all said that the morning star in this case means Jesus Christ. You can find what they have to say in the same pages i have already given you for the topic of the white stone.

The one thing that made go "eh." to that is the fact that in the beginning of speaking to that church leading up to the verse containing "morning star" (i'm looking at verse 18 if u'd like to follow along.) It clearly says, "These are the words of the Son of God..." and I thought, "why would Jesus say, 'I will aslo give him Christ' when it's already Him? Why couldn't He just say, 'I will give him Me'?"

So it made me think that the word "morning star" must have meant something else; i was confused. BUT remember the Trinity? A term for God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Remembering them as one, verse 18-28 is different. Even though in verse 18 says, "These are the words of the Son of God..." it could also take in the form of God the Father and God the Holy Spirit because they are one and the same (haha i learned that from ENLI :) when we talked about the Holy Spirit [which Dave suggested that we recommend the course to everyone!! PLEASE TAKE ENLI!!! IT'S A BLAST AND U LEARN A LOT!!].

Anyway, i'm done for today. Maybe next time, I'll go over Rev. 3?? But then again, i want to talk about the animals in ch. 4 (along with Ezekiel and Daniel...it's amazing how everything in the Bible ties together and talks about the same thing but written from different times and in different books of the Bible ^.^)

"The mystery of the seven stars...and of the seven golden lampstands." Rev 1:20

2008-04-22T10:39:00.000-04:00

So i've been reading Rev. 2 over and over and over again. What really gets to me is how holy God is and how imperfect I am. Read the chapter before you read more into my entry.

The first church he talks to vs 1-7 is where you see that the seven lampstands He stands in the midst of are the seven churches He talks to. Granted, you are given the representation in the last verse of ch 1. But it's very intriguing to me that all the verses in the Bible coorelate to each other in every way! Why? Because they all point to God :) See the connection in vs 5? "Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place."

Another thing that really interests me is that each introduction and conclusion are different for each church. To the 1st, intro: these are the words of him who holds the 7 stars in his right hand and walks among the 7 golden lampstands. conc: I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.

To the 2nd, intro: these are the words of him who is the first and the last, who died and came to life again. conc: will not be hurt at all by the second death (meaning heaven).

To the 3rd, intro: these are the words of him who has the sharp, double-edged sword. conc: I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it. (more on this white stone later)

To the 4th, intro: these are the words of the Son of God, whose eyes are like blazing fire and whose feet are like burnished bronze. conc: I will give authority over the nations - he will rule them with an iron scepter; he will dash them to pieces like pottery - just as i have received authority from my father. I will also give him the morning star. (more on the morning star later)

There are three more, but that's covered in ch. 3. Now in between each intro and conclusion are different likes and dislikes that God has with each church. in the 1st, He didn't like how they forgot Him (vs 4). in the 2nd, He was basically encouraging them to have more faith in the midst of "...the slander of those who say they are Jews and are not, but are a synagogue of Satan." (vs 9). in the 3rd, He didn't like the teachings of Nicolaitians that some of them had (vs 14-15). In the 4th, He didn't like how they tolerate Jezebel (vs 20).

Now look at the church (body of Christians/congregation) in general in America alone. Are there churches that have lost their first love - God? Are there churches in the midst of hypocrites? Are there churches that hold on to idols or sexual immorality? Are there churches that tolerate men and women who call themselves prophets and prophetess' but aren't? The answer to all these is yes.

Judgment is severe for God is just, but He is also love so repent and He will forgive. Revival is needed...enough said.

Fire In His Eyes

2008-04-17T01:32:00.001-04:00

If there's one thing that i desire from God, it's simply this: to see His eyes for just 5 minutes without being blinded permenantly.

Dude, you know how CRAZY that'd be??!! Reading Revelations 1 is just mind blowing! The part that describe His eyes as fire. I was trying to look at the sun a few days ago trying to contemplate what it'd be like to see Him eye to eye. Man, I had to lower my head in less than a minute! And to think that it was a star that I had to lower my gaze from! Wow, how fast would I drop if I were to gaze in God's eyes?? That's too much!!

I know that if I were to have the priviledge and the honor to see His eyes for even 1 minute, I'd be blinded within 2 seconds alone, but to just think...if my eyes were to not get scorched or damaged in any way, what would it be like to look at His eyes for 5 minutes? What would I learn? What would He tell me in the eye communication - the unheard conversation? You know what? Now that I think about it, I'd probably be that one dude and be dumbfounded for not just a few days, but for many years.

Now I have some understanding of the disciple's actions when Jesus said, "Follow me." They automatically dropped their nets and followed them. Even in human form, His human eyes radiated spiritual fire!

You know, for just 5 minutes of looking into His eyes, i'd be willing to give up my sight for life. I'm positive that having that experience will allow me to get in tune with tons of things about God, but when i think about it..it would really be a mere scratch-on-the-surface of the mystery of Him even with that amazing experience if i were to have it experienced. He's so mysterious that even your most amazing experience/insight of Him is just an outer-range of who He really is; He's just that deep.

Thinking about His eyes...the fire within...and to know that His eyes burn for us? Us unworthy, but valuable in His eyes?...man, that's too much. I'm gonna stop before I go crazy. I feel like i've been repeating the same thing over and over >.<

The Art of War

2008-04-11T08:47:00.000-04:00

There I am, a Christian, standing in the midst of a spiritual war. I am placed in an army fighting in the land of FSU. Knowledge flows of what was, what is, and what is to come. The alarm must be made. My King commands me to sound the alarm! I look around while i stand in oglesby union. There's no one there, but wait! I see...a figure walking towards me. The scales on my eyes and the deafness of my ears are removed and I saw the person now clear. I am tramatized; the outer shell is dead. The face expression..there was none, but I see it's soul trying desperately to escape it's fate. The soul was consumed by black flames; it's screams were of screams of agony and torment. The flames of Hell.

The soul's hand reached out to me; it was looking at me while the outer shell was looking forward with a dead gaze. I know and understand the reason of the hand. I have something that can save the soul from it's hell. I have the Remedy and the Life; it is my King that is within me that can save it from destruction it goes to. The student walked passed and my gaze followed; still the soul tried to reach out to me while screaming extremely loud. I turned back because i heard more noise. They were the noise of useless chatter made by the outer shells of a big crowd. I realized this is the battlefield. These were the students of FSU. As their outer shells talked with dead faces, their souls screamed and reached out trying to escape their bodies. In the midst of the crowd were soldiers of my army. I knew because their souls were in comfort and were not in flames and did not try to escape, but I felt discomforted because while in the midst of the souls screaming, they did not speak nor fight. They have lost the art of war - the strategy that can end the despair around FSU. What is the art of war? What is the strategy? It is the declaration of Jesus Christ; the sharing of the gospel. Our Lord and King is the only Art of war and the only Strategy. As He declares, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life!" My King did not declare, "I am a Way, a Truth, and a Life."

Who am I? I represent all Christians who are awake and this is what I see.

Yea so this is a vision that i had a while back. During the time of when Ross and OneThing talked about apathy and how we need to wake up from our slumber. In the vision, it wasn't me that was the main character, but it was a Christian who was spiritually awake and saw the unseen things that Paul was talking about. I saw in the perspective of that Christian so I don't know exactly who it was..it could and might even be you. Who knows? But I think the point of it was...well it's already self-explanatory..basically be alert b/c you're fighting for the King and it's up to us to fight for Him. Why? B/c we're soldiers and He entrusted us to do His will. Even though the apathy words from speakers are passed, i tied it up with the series at ENCM: The Art of War.

Who am I?

2008-04-08T18:46:00.000-04:00

As u see in my first blog, i like to write. What else about me? Well, i love God and want to grow more in Him. I'm in the process of growing and recently, i've found my calling and it's a long story, but it's amazing. So shall i start my summary of my life in these recent days?

A while before the year (Fall 08) started, I've been getting attracted to full-time ministry. I've been teaching middle school to high school girls when i was a sophmore here at FSU. I didn't think i was worthy and I didn't really think i'd be good enough, but after a while i got to love it and I still love it and don't regret it. I became a student leader at FSU ENCM and started co-leading in a lifegroup of women from FSU. Then I became confident about my calling into full-time ministry after a time process of just talking to God, fasting, and prayer and that's when the trouble began :)

I told my parents and they refused with no explanation. Just a simple, "No." My mom said, "No, I know what God told me. You're not supposed to be that. Why can't you just be normal? Just go to church. You can do ministry when you're a doctor. You don't have to travel the world to be in ministry. If you want to be in ministry, you should be a doctor or something."My father agreed with just a simple, "No." They believe that i'm just passionate because i'm at this age. "Trust me, I know."

So that made me sad and I felt hindered from doing what I'm supposed to be doing and I hated the idea of not doing this calling because I felt I had no purpose then. There is absolutely nothing because God would definately curse me for disobeying Him. So what happened after that was me feeling like i was in jail and i wanted to get out so bad because i was held against my will. I told God that I would forsake my family for Him and it was hard. God knew that I held my family close to my heart and that was the ultimate test He could ever give me. "Family or Me?" He challenged. I surrendered with tears. And then I went to Campus Harvest. I just went expecting to get confirmation. At campus harvest the first night was when someone shared the verse of where the disciples were unshackled and the jail doors opened by the earthquake and I immediatley felt my roof of my family completely shatter if there was any left over after I told God that I'd surrender and walk away from my family. It's completely gone by this point.

Anyway, I had a dream during this tough time. The dream: I walked out of my parent's house and started jogging down the neighborhood with tears and then the scene changed to me running full speed on a highway and it was POURING down rain and at this point i was crying my heart out the tears of sorrow, but at the same time I felt extremely happy in my heart. I rested under a bridge and looked out the rain and smiled.

My roommate, Lauren, interpreted the dream when i shared my dream with her. She explained: Once i take that initial step from my parents, i'd run headstrong. It's guaranteed that i'd face tons of hard times (that's what the pouring rain symbolized), but i'd still keep running and there will be times when God will give me bridges along the way to rest and smile with Him when I look back and see how far I'll go for Him.

I've been led to an internship called Engage. It's an internship in London hosted by Every Nation London and it's a 9 month internship that concentrates in all kinds of ministry. Each week or month or so, we do one ministry and then go into another. It's goal is for you to determine if this is your calling. I'll be applying September 2009 after I graduate Spring 09. Goal: $18,000.

I e-mailed my parents telling them that I don't care what they say; i'm gonna go because God is calling me and I can't ignore Him. They told me to come home and so I went back home in Ocala to see my parents a week before my spring break. My dad gave me a private talk and told me that they're still not too happy about it, but the bottom line is that they'll agree. I'm telling you, that made me extremely thankful and grateful to God. Once you surrender to Him, He'll bless you right back. Once I gave up my family, it seemed like in an instant He blessed me with a family. Now don't get me wrong, I can't guarantee immediate blessing from God here on earth if you surrender all to Him, but I promise you that He sees and He'll give you reward in Heaven when the time comes and you have fought the fight and ran the race II Timothy 4:7 :)

My dad told me that their main issue is money. This reminds me, I got Answering the Call by Ron Lewis and I got more confirmation through reading it. It's SO GOOD!! Anyway, when i heard my parent's issue about money for me, i understand their point of view, but i was like "Psh, money? Man, if God blesses me with my family, what's paper got to do with God? He can do anything!" So i'm not really worried about money, but i totally understand that it'll be hard but you know what? I don't care. It's what He wants me to do and He'll provide.

When I came back to Tallahassee, I went to IHOP and prayed to God for more confirmation after I prayed a prayer of thanks dealing with my family situation for a long time. I prayed about their issue with money and I asked Him to provide and for Him to confirm this calling that I already know is meant for me. I have no doubt. As soon as I stopped praying and walked out, my friend came up to me and pledged $1000 to me saying that I was meant to go to the internship that I'd like to go to. She shared with me her testimony of how God led her to pledge to me and I started crying. I went back and prayed thank you over and over.

I kept praying for confirmation and a while later, another confirmation came. My other friend gave me a check of $100. I never told him about it, but he said that he heard from the Grapevine and that was enough for me. Again, I prayed a prayer of thanks. God is good ALL the time!!

I soon got to talking with Ron Lewis to thank him for writing Answering the Call. He asked for updates and I told everything that's happened in summary form and it was just fantastic! And then I get an e-mail from him wanting my address to give me a check. And I just got it in the mail today.

My parents are supporting me of $4,000. I'm still amazed at the change of heart, but what can I say? I have a Father who can do all things. God is good all the time...even during the times when you don't see it.

I'm just giving you a quick summary of all the major things that's happened, but by no means have i listed all the bumps and hills during this journey so far. There's been a lot of trials and i know it's gonna get tougher as I grow, but with blessings as well. I tell you it's tough, but what fuels me is the vision of me slapping God in the face if I were to ignore this call. Instead of kneeling at the feet of Him who sits on the throne right now, i'd be standing up in defiance and slap Him in blasphemy if i were to do something/anything else. He must be feared!! And trust me, you don't want to fight Him at any cost and in any situation! Think about it: He can kill you the next time you even lie! Acts 5:1-11

That's how powerful He is. He must be feared. He is Just and at the same time Love.

The War for Souls

2008-04-08T01:02:00.000-04:00

Some know, but i am in the process of writing something very personal. This is the prologue of my story. A VERY ROUGH rough draft. This is just some of the stuff that i blurted out..didn't get a chance to revise revise revise it. It's completely shady compared to the clear cut vision i have in my head, but i'm sure when i revise it to at least into a rough draft, it'll be somewhat even more clear. Anyway, this is just an outline of the prologue. I'd share with you what the story is about, but i think i'll save that for my second post...but for now, enjoy the beginning of the beginning :)

Prologue:

My Beloved, awake…
Awake..
A whisper blew by my ear. Confused a voice with the wind I do not know. Physical damages; flesh cut deep, but burning alive within. Feeling came to the tip of my fingers and I felt the earth – wet, grained-like, and weak against my fingertips. Smell came through to my nostrils and I began to breathe slowly and deeply – the smell of the earth matched the soil I felt with my fingers. I now felt my cheek upon the hard earth; I have been laying here awhile. Awake, awake, O Sleeper…
The eyelids of mine lifted. Darkness became light and I began to see the world around me. It changeth not from before. The earth my feet stood upon was of dark color and what was upon my feet was the color of silver armor tainted. Yes, I was in the midst of war with the Great Illusionist and his minions. My head lifted and my hands pressed against the earth in the effort of lifting myself up. I could breathe not. As I tried to stand, the dead weight of my leg carried me back to the earth.
“This injures me not!” I cried.
The warmth of my blood ran down my injured leg, but the fiery heat of my blade burned for my hand – it calls out to me! I reached for the heat and grasped tightly at the ready handle. With one sharp painful grunt, I gave my all to thrust my blade into the earth. By doing so, the ground turned to rock. With my fainting strength, I lifted myself off the ground and tried to stand. My sword stood ready at my hand and calmed my fall as it punctured the earth even deeper. I finally decided to sit down and examine the damage.
My eyes lied upon my wounds and found the source of my pain. The damage has been done by the many flaming arrows and the attacks of all the demons that have no agenda other than to dethrone my King. I grabbed hold of the handle of my sword and transformed my weight to my sword as I forced myself to stand. The pain from my body made my lips utter the words that only pain could utter.
As soon as I lifted my head, my enemy stood before me. I lifted my shield and immediately held my sword upright forgetting my pain. With my breath heavy and my body burning, I walked around in a circle with my enemy. His eyes were filled with hatred as he glared at me. A beautiful angel to any naked eye, but beware for he was the Great Illusionist. His powers consisted of seduction and his purpose was none other than to destroy. He can seduce thee by promises of what thy heart deeply desired and corrupt thee all from the start of thine mind. Evil words he spoke; destruction he sought.
I stood firm upon the Rock on which I stood. He circled around me with hateful eyes. His aura offered fear and false riches, but none I shall take for my King is the One I serve. His beautiful figure turned to what he truly was – an evil sight.
“Join me~.” He whispered.
Anger spurned within as I replied, “My service thou canst seek; it belongs to another.”
“Can thou defeat my fire?!”
I held my sword as a threat towards my enemy and shouted, “Can thou defeat Mine?”