Commit to the Struggle

Ever have those days where you just want to quit...give up...on everything n just do whatever? Ever cry so many times for no reason? Ever want something to work out n keep thinkin about how it would, but u could never wrap your head around on how it could? I had a couple weeks of these days. I scream in my head sometimes. Not really a great feeling n shootin myself with loads of coffee just to pass the day somewhat alive is not all that inspiring really...

So many thoughts and so many voices tellin contradictory things, but at least they got somedin in common: negative-ness... -.-*

Who ever said that bein Christian would be a road of easy-sailin??...i wanna smack that person n label that person insane. Following Christ is hard especially in a world that doesn't follow Him so easily.

Here I am in Wheaton College Graduate School for my masters and the warfare seems to be gettin worse...which is both good and bad. Good - b/c the more battles mean at least I'm gettin further n that someone naughty wants me to stop doin what i'm doin. And bad - b/c I sometimes get weary of the battles that keep coming. Funny thing about our journeys with God. He might give you a season of rest and peace, but the further you go with God to advance His Kingdom, the more adversity you face and the higher the "cross you have to pick up and carry" as you go (think of it this way: the higher u rise in an army, the higher the stakes with the enemies wanting to kill u n specifically target u).

There's danger everywhere. Your enemies are out there; shoot, even u urself can be an enemy - isn't that just ironic.

But here's the thing that I think some people miss out on when they convert to Christianity. It's not about prosperity like some preachers out there preach. It's not about how many people "you" can convert (there's no way u can save anyone anyhow). It's not about your safety. Dude, who said that following Christ and bein with God is a safe thing to do? No! There's a huge level of cost that everyone must consider before trusting Christ - surrender all. (that takes a lot of boldness to have that much humility).

Everything that was is now all about Him. His holistic mission to extend His rule and authority is now our mission and we need to carry this through. There's a reason why there's an Armor of God and the need to polish our armor and sharpen our Sword (Sword of the Spirit/Word of God/Truth/Christ). Who said anything about safe n smooth-sailin? God's desire is for the entire world to be under His authority n let me tell you why this is a good thing. God's authority over our lives means that our image is in Him. Our image being from Him means that we have our identity in Him. When we lose our identity and having God as our authority over our lives, we're basically screwed...we stop living and we just...exist - all the while deep within, we're searching for the very thing we've lost. Our mission is to extend God's authority to everyone. It's their choice to accept God's authority over their lives; we can't force it, but we can offer it to them.

He is indeed good and His authority is indeed a good thing.

The question is...to those of us who have counted the cost we'll face in this spiritual warfare upon us, are we warriors committed to the struggle? Regardless of any battle we fight in. Regardless of the enemies we need to fight against. Regardless of the number of enemies we may fight with at the same time. Regardless if we might lose some battles. Are we warriors that are committed to the struggle? To this fight to serve our King? Or are we just traditional people wearing dusty armor and carrying dull swords?

If indeed the last question is something that speaks to you, you need to choose to either not fight at all or to change what needs to be changed now! Time is running out for us all; don't be a fool to think otherwise.

>>>>
This is something I wrote for myself to encourage myself to commit to the struggle. I guess a little sermon I found myself preaching to myself. I seriously cannot fail now. There's just too much I have to do in this war. My prayer for us all is to catch the light of the Truth we believe in and find strength in the vision of what is to come in times of weariness and in times where darkness tries to stop us aggressively. God is the same God now as He was when He spoke everything into existance with just His voice. He is powerful beyond all measure; what or who have we to fear except Him?

Fighting My Typical Old Man

Wow yea, it's been so long since I last posted...guess i'm not gonna finish my journal of my summer when i went all over europe.

Ok what's new? Well I live in Dallas TX...basically downtown area I guess?? i dunno really, but i go to Dallas Theological Seminary...for how long? Well my major curriculum plan says for 3 years, but I don't plan 3 years in advance. Plans change...maybe Wheaton in Chicago? who knows, but God!

What have I learned? You can only depend on God! Yea yea yea, everybody Christian knows that...well, I knew that. I've always known that, but seeing it up in ur face....bein reality-slapped...or what I call "wisdom-slapped"...yea, she (wisdom) slapped me hard. I guess I just got a deeper revelation of what I knew before.

And that's that. I truly understood a DEEPER and CLOSER relationship with God is supposed to be like. Now i'm not saying to move away from all family n friends. I still believe that there are no such things as a Lone Ranger Christian! but hear what I mean to say.

There are times in life when God leads you to a season of learning...basically, where God disciplines you like any loving Father would do to where ur finally saying, "ooohhhh I get it now." and then get ur act together.

I must say, I've realized how IMmature I was...still am I bet. I have a lot of things to work on. God was saying, "if u wanna be a speaker, u better live what u speak. R u livin what u wanna speak?"

"......no" I replied like a loser

"Then get ur act together, Gomer." lol

"Ok T_T" (T_T is a face expression that means sad tears. T is tears from the eye lol)

See the thing is, I get bored a lot. It's not the fact that God's boring, it's me. i'm the one that's boring. I don't read the Bible sometimes. I also don't witness as much as I should. I remember that I'd tell my youth group kids to "Go forth now!" Most times, I get caught up with just goin with the flow n end up bein flat out lazy. Watchin movies, cleaning the house, goin to classes, doin the homework, learning Greek, writing papers n modules of strategic ministry planning...actually, seminary's pretty easy for me right now (dunno if it's cuz we're just goin thru the basics or not. I mean, I am a first year in seminary). Anyway, point being: I'm not as "great" as I'd like to be as a Christian. GASP i know -.-* what kind of Christian am I?!

n u know what the answer is? "Typical."

That's right. If I wanna be who God wants me to be in the future (n so far He's guiding me to be an influential speaker), then I gotta step up my game and live my life in a way where it can back up what I'll say in the future as a speaker.

My encouragement to anyone who is like me: We're of one body and we serve only one King. We have the victory anyway in Jesus Christ so don't be the one who doesn't have a story to tell at the Wedding Banquet. And btw, I know u have great potential to tell one awesome story on that day about what you have done as a part of God's army.

(I'm in the process of writing a fictional story. I've posted it before here, but I think it's appropriate to close this blog entry):

My Beloved, awake…
Awake…
A whisper blew by my ear. Did I confuse the wind for a voice? I do not know. Physical damages: flesh cut deep, broken ribs; my body is drained, but still burning alive within. Feeling came to the tip of my fingers and I felt the earth – wet, grained-like, and weak against my fingertips. Smell came through to my nostrils and I began to breathe slowly and deeply – the smell of the earth matched the soil I had felt with my fingers. I now felt my cheek upon the hard earth. I have been laying here awhile. Awake, awake, O Sleeper…
The eyelids of mine lifted. Darkness became light and I began to see the world around me. It did not change from before. The earth my feet stood upon was of dark color and what was upon my feet was the color of silver armor tainted. Yes, I was in the midst of war with the Great Illusionist and his minions. My head lifted and my hands pressed against the earth in the effort of lifting myself up. For a moment, I could not breathe. As I tried to stand, the dead weight of my leg carried me back to the earth.
I cried. After I took a few breaths, I whispered in pain, “This injures me not!”
The warmth of my blood ran down my injured leg, but the fiery heat of my blade burned for my hand – it called out to me! I reached for the heat and grasped tightly at the ready handle. With one sharp painful grunt, I gave my all to thrust my blade into the earth. By doing so, the ground turned to rock. With my fainting strength, I lifted myself off the ground and tried to stand. My sword stood ready at my hand and calmed my fall as it punctured the earth even deeper. I finally decided to look down and examine the damage.
My eyes lied upon my wounds and found the source of my burning pain. The damage had been done by the many flaming arrows and the attacks from all the demons that had no agenda other than to dethrone my King. I grabbed hold of the handle of my sword and transformed my weight to my sword again as I forced myself to stand once more. The pain from my body made my lips utter the words that only pain could utter.
As soon as I lifted my head, my enemy stood a good distance before me. I lifted my shield and immediately held my sword upright as my reflex was trained to do. I forgot my pain. With my breath heavy and my body burning, I walked around in a circle with my enemy. His eyes were filled with hatred as he glared at me. A beautiful angel to any naked eye, but beware for he was the Great Illusionist. His powers consisted of seduction and his purpose was to seek, destroy, and devour. He can seduce you with false promises of what your heart deeply desired and corrupt you all from the start of your mind. Evil words he spoke; destruction he sought, but always in the form of bright colors.
I stood firm upon the Rock on which I stood made earlier from my sword. He circled around me with hateful eyes. His aura offered fear and false riches, but none I shall take for my King is the One I serve truly. His beautiful figure turned to what he truly was – an evil sight.
“Join me~.” He whispered in what seemed like a thousand voices.
Anger spurned within as I replied, “My service thou canst seek; it belongs to another!”
“Can thou defeat my fire?!”
I held my sword as a threat towards my enemy and shouted, “Can thou defeat Mine?”

The War for Souls

Some know, but i am in the process of writing something very personal. This is the prologue of my story. A VERY ROUGH rough draft. This is just some of the stuff that i blurted out..didn't get a chance to revise revise revise it. It's completely shady compared to the clear cut vision i have in my head, but i'm sure when i revise it to at least into a rough draft, it'll be somewhat even more clear. Anyway, this is just an outline of the prologue. I'd share with you what the story is about, but i think i'll save that for my second post...but for now, enjoy the beginning of the beginning :)


Prologue:

My Beloved, awake…
Awake..
A whisper blew by my ear. Confused a voice with the wind I do not know. Physical damages; flesh cut deep, but burning alive within. Feeling came to the tip of my fingers and I felt the earth – wet, grained-like, and weak against my fingertips. Smell came through to my nostrils and I began to breathe slowly and deeply – the smell of the earth matched the soil I felt with my fingers. I now felt my cheek upon the hard earth; I have been laying here awhile. Awake, awake, O Sleeper…
The eyelids of mine lifted. Darkness became light and I began to see the world around me. It changeth not from before. The earth my feet stood upon was of dark color and what was upon my feet was the color of silver armor tainted. Yes, I was in the midst of war with the Great Illusionist and his minions. My head lifted and my hands pressed against the earth in the effort of lifting myself up. I could breathe not. As I tried to stand, the dead weight of my leg carried me back to the earth.
“This injures me not!” I cried.
The warmth of my blood ran down my injured leg, but the fiery heat of my blade burned for my hand – it calls out to me! I reached for the heat and grasped tightly at the ready handle. With one sharp painful grunt, I gave my all to thrust my blade into the earth. By doing so, the ground turned to rock. With my fainting strength, I lifted myself off the ground and tried to stand. My sword stood ready at my hand and calmed my fall as it punctured the earth even deeper. I finally decided to sit down and examine the damage.
My eyes lied upon my wounds and found the source of my pain. The damage has been done by the many flaming arrows and the attacks of all the demons that have no agenda other than to dethrone my King. I grabbed hold of the handle of my sword and transformed my weight to my sword as I forced myself to stand. The pain from my body made my lips utter the words that only pain could utter.
As soon as I lifted my head, my enemy stood before me. I lifted my shield and immediately held my sword upright forgetting my pain. With my breath heavy and my body burning, I walked around in a circle with my enemy. His eyes were filled with hatred as he glared at me. A beautiful angel to any naked eye, but beware for he was the Great Illusionist. His powers consisted of seduction and his purpose was none other than to destroy. He can seduce thee by promises of what thy heart deeply desired and corrupt thee all from the start of thine mind. Evil words he spoke; destruction he sought.
I stood firm upon the Rock on which I stood. He circled around me with hateful eyes. His aura offered fear and false riches, but none I shall take for my King is the One I serve. His beautiful figure turned to what he truly was – an evil sight.
“Join me~.” He whispered.
Anger spurned within as I replied, “My service thou canst seek; it belongs to another.”
“Can thou defeat my fire?!”
I held my sword as a threat towards my enemy and shouted, “Can thou defeat Mine?”