Fighting My Typical Old Man

Wow yea, it's been so long since I last posted...guess i'm not gonna finish my journal of my summer when i went all over europe.

Ok what's new? Well I live in Dallas TX...basically downtown area I guess?? i dunno really, but i go to Dallas Theological Seminary...for how long? Well my major curriculum plan says for 3 years, but I don't plan 3 years in advance. Plans change...maybe Wheaton in Chicago? who knows, but God!

What have I learned? You can only depend on God! Yea yea yea, everybody Christian knows that...well, I knew that. I've always known that, but seeing it up in ur face....bein reality-slapped...or what I call "wisdom-slapped"...yea, she (wisdom) slapped me hard. I guess I just got a deeper revelation of what I knew before.

And that's that. I truly understood a DEEPER and CLOSER relationship with God is supposed to be like. Now i'm not saying to move away from all family n friends. I still believe that there are no such things as a Lone Ranger Christian! but hear what I mean to say.

There are times in life when God leads you to a season of learning...basically, where God disciplines you like any loving Father would do to where ur finally saying, "ooohhhh I get it now." and then get ur act together.

I must say, I've realized how IMmature I was...still am I bet. I have a lot of things to work on. God was saying, "if u wanna be a speaker, u better live what u speak. R u livin what u wanna speak?"

"......no" I replied like a loser

"Then get ur act together, Gomer." lol

"Ok T_T" (T_T is a face expression that means sad tears. T is tears from the eye lol)

See the thing is, I get bored a lot. It's not the fact that God's boring, it's me. i'm the one that's boring. I don't read the Bible sometimes. I also don't witness as much as I should. I remember that I'd tell my youth group kids to "Go forth now!" Most times, I get caught up with just goin with the flow n end up bein flat out lazy. Watchin movies, cleaning the house, goin to classes, doin the homework, learning Greek, writing papers n modules of strategic ministry planning...actually, seminary's pretty easy for me right now (dunno if it's cuz we're just goin thru the basics or not. I mean, I am a first year in seminary). Anyway, point being: I'm not as "great" as I'd like to be as a Christian. GASP i know -.-* what kind of Christian am I?!

n u know what the answer is? "Typical."

That's right. If I wanna be who God wants me to be in the future (n so far He's guiding me to be an influential speaker), then I gotta step up my game and live my life in a way where it can back up what I'll say in the future as a speaker.

My encouragement to anyone who is like me: We're of one body and we serve only one King. We have the victory anyway in Jesus Christ so don't be the one who doesn't have a story to tell at the Wedding Banquet. And btw, I know u have great potential to tell one awesome story on that day about what you have done as a part of God's army.

(I'm in the process of writing a fictional story. I've posted it before here, but I think it's appropriate to close this blog entry):

My Beloved, awake…
Awake…
A whisper blew by my ear. Did I confuse the wind for a voice? I do not know. Physical damages: flesh cut deep, broken ribs; my body is drained, but still burning alive within. Feeling came to the tip of my fingers and I felt the earth – wet, grained-like, and weak against my fingertips. Smell came through to my nostrils and I began to breathe slowly and deeply – the smell of the earth matched the soil I had felt with my fingers. I now felt my cheek upon the hard earth. I have been laying here awhile. Awake, awake, O Sleeper…
The eyelids of mine lifted. Darkness became light and I began to see the world around me. It did not change from before. The earth my feet stood upon was of dark color and what was upon my feet was the color of silver armor tainted. Yes, I was in the midst of war with the Great Illusionist and his minions. My head lifted and my hands pressed against the earth in the effort of lifting myself up. For a moment, I could not breathe. As I tried to stand, the dead weight of my leg carried me back to the earth.
I cried. After I took a few breaths, I whispered in pain, “This injures me not!”
The warmth of my blood ran down my injured leg, but the fiery heat of my blade burned for my hand – it called out to me! I reached for the heat and grasped tightly at the ready handle. With one sharp painful grunt, I gave my all to thrust my blade into the earth. By doing so, the ground turned to rock. With my fainting strength, I lifted myself off the ground and tried to stand. My sword stood ready at my hand and calmed my fall as it punctured the earth even deeper. I finally decided to look down and examine the damage.
My eyes lied upon my wounds and found the source of my burning pain. The damage had been done by the many flaming arrows and the attacks from all the demons that had no agenda other than to dethrone my King. I grabbed hold of the handle of my sword and transformed my weight to my sword again as I forced myself to stand once more. The pain from my body made my lips utter the words that only pain could utter.
As soon as I lifted my head, my enemy stood a good distance before me. I lifted my shield and immediately held my sword upright as my reflex was trained to do. I forgot my pain. With my breath heavy and my body burning, I walked around in a circle with my enemy. His eyes were filled with hatred as he glared at me. A beautiful angel to any naked eye, but beware for he was the Great Illusionist. His powers consisted of seduction and his purpose was to seek, destroy, and devour. He can seduce you with false promises of what your heart deeply desired and corrupt you all from the start of your mind. Evil words he spoke; destruction he sought, but always in the form of bright colors.
I stood firm upon the Rock on which I stood made earlier from my sword. He circled around me with hateful eyes. His aura offered fear and false riches, but none I shall take for my King is the One I serve truly. His beautiful figure turned to what he truly was – an evil sight.
“Join me~.” He whispered in what seemed like a thousand voices.
Anger spurned within as I replied, “My service thou canst seek; it belongs to another!”
“Can thou defeat my fire?!”
I held my sword as a threat towards my enemy and shouted, “Can thou defeat Mine?”

June 21, 2009 - June 22, 2009

So it's the next day Sunday. We go to my grandmother's church. ate at the church. went back to her place to change before she dropped us off on Main Street n we walked to the subway to go to Manhattan. We walked around Manhattan. We went through Macy's - all 9 floors! We went to Borders n checked out their foreign films section - pretty decent stuff. We bought a traveler's guide book that my bro liked. Came back to Flushing n took a bus from there to our grandmother's house.

June 22, 2009

We chilled till it was time to take a taxi to JFK airport to go to Heathrow airport in London to begin our tour :) I watched a Japanese movie called Suspect X - it was really good. N i also watched Australia. Yea i didn't really sleep during the flight.

Contiki Europe Escapade 2009

I went on a trip - my first out of the country trip! It was such a blessing from God for me to see a glimpse of my future n it's great fuel to keep me going even stronger towards my dream! I'll be writing entries for each day during the trip starting from this entry :)

June 20, 2009

We woke up extremely early - 5am. I thought i could stay up all night, but ended up sleeping at 3am so i only had about 2 hrs of sleep. good goin Grace. My dad dropped us off at the airport in Tampa. We got everything situated with our luggages n got on the plane to New York! We arrived in the morning closing in on the afternoon. We took a taxi to our grandmother's place n chilled for the day. Our grandmother took us to a korean restaurant to eat some nengmyun (it's a noodle dish) for dinner. It was SO good! :p

We came back n slept.

Youtube Videos

i know this isn't anything spiritual, but these youtube videos intrigued me lol. I got them from none other than Onew and Samuel. They showed me them and it made me laugh a lot. Maybe one of these videos will either amaze you or make u laugh. Enjoy! :)

This video actually amazed me:

Chistianize the Lion

This one as well!! His name is Nick Pitera:

All I Ask of You - Phantom of the Opera

A Whole New World - Aladdin

This is for all those who love Call of Duty:

Call of Duty 4

Kinda same as the last one:

Amateur Lasse Gjertsen

Hypocrites

Anyone heard of the book The Reasons for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism by Timothy Keller. I haven't read the book all the way yet, but I've skimmed through it and some of the quotes by people in New York intrigued me greatly! I thought: "Wow! Christians SUCK!!"

Most of the quotes made u think of all the hypocrites out there and I just hate it when people say they're something when they're not JUST to ease their conscience and say, "I'm a good person." type of crap. Dude, hold up to what u are. If ur a Christian, be a Christian. Actually, this kinda goes along with the last post I made here...which wasn't my point...

Anyway, this book is really good (so far..I gotta finish it)!! Timothy basically responds to seven common objections to religion in general and/or Christianity in particular based upon the people he have met in New York.

It's just so amazing how much fighting we must do as Christians...can u imagine, a dark battle scene where the soldiers who fight for the King on one side and all the people infected with a black disease controlling them. We, the soldiers of the King, are trying to attack the black strings attached to their bodies without harming them, but it's hard because they're swingin at us as hard as they can...

Sometimes u might not want to help them and have them suffer under the hands of the one controlling the black strings because they've hurt u too much sometimes. But u can't because u know ur duty to the King. When they strike, u must hold ur shield. You must not damage them or treat them like they don't matter because u used to be just like them and our King delivered us a mission to guide them back to Him. When u swing ur sword, u must strike only the black strings that hold onto them. The blackness has confused them and have taken control of their flesh.

Amongst our army there are people who we thought are fighting on our side, but when u come to strike ur sword at the black strings, those certain "soldiers" block ur strike making u miss ur target. And then u realize, ur comrade is not a comrade at all. U've been fighting so hard in this war trying to get those black strings away from the people....and what's this??

ok, now ur TICKED! Can u imagine it? That's basically what's happening in this world. There are so many amongst us that basically "feeds the fire" and "keeps the black strings stronger". This really ticks me off because u know what? They are defying our King's name. Our King once said to us to never take His name in vain. This is so important for every soldier out there because every soldier bears the crest of the King - His name is being represented by the armor we wear (meaning how we live our lives). When we fight as one army, we must fight together...but we have amongst us impostors.

I would like to apologize on behalf of the whole army of the King because of those impostors who slow us down from fulfilling our mission.....

But u know what keeps me fighting even though this discourages me greatly? It's the fact that in the end, we'll raise our swords and shout in victory as we see our King standing in front of us with a smile saying, "Well done, my good and faithful servants."

Shutup For Once

Let's talk about our words and then look at our actions. Do they match? See the problem with most people is that people are ready to answer that question with an easy "yes" instead of really opening themselves and really thinking about how we live our lives.

How many fights have you been in with your friends? I bet it was all their fault right? Cmon, the reality is that it takes two to fight.

What happened to vulnerability? of course no one wants to be vulnerable..it's invasive; it's against human nature. Human nature (aka: FLESH) tells you to never accept that you're in the wrong and that you're always right in whatever situation or argument you're in. Vulnerability/Humility is the first step to take in order to be in a TRUE intimate and passionate relationship with God.

Most of the time Christians think they're really intimate and passionate for God, but they're really not. Let me tell you, I am not intimate and passionate for God. You know how I know that? Because I don't have enough faith to raise the dead, heal the sick, walk on water, etc because if I were to have enough faith for these things, I'd be able to do it in an instant like the disciples and apostles were able to do with just a single phrase in the name of Jesus. Now don't get me wrong, our goal is not to do these miracles. I'm talking about faith.

I know many who say that they're humble all the time and boast about their talents. Guess what...A humble person would never say that they're humble or boast for that matter. I know many who say that they'll "pray for you", but really they don't (no i don't stalk them, but they do admit that they've forgotten about it the next day you ask them about your prayer request). I know many who say that they care for the lost, but don't because their apathy make them stay in the background in the classes (never really saying much unless they're called or need to borrow a pen or something). I know many who want attention..like Amy said..that's a part of being insecure.

No, i'm not perfect. Yes, i have issues as well. But the one thing that i've realized for quite some time is that we like to talk...and it's time to actually walk it out.

Rambling My Thoughts

I felt a heavy presence last night...It wasn't bad; it was really good, but it brought a seriousness that hasn't been felt in such a long time. This is a new season which brings new change and new obstacles. Something is about to blow...something good. But let's look before the big bang...there will be a lot of pain and struggles. We've went through a lot of them already through the summer which i find interesting cuz we went through James and Philippians: JOY IN SUFFERINGS!

Now it's at a weird stage...the feeling of strange peace before the big climax. Before entering the nursing building, i felt a big tug in my heart. Throughout the end of the summer to now, i felt a difference in the air at FSU. Something's different. Maybe it's because it's my last year here, but i doubt that's the reason.

We prayed at the usual prayer meeting before E.N.C.M. at 7-7:30. I haven't prayed the way i did in a long time..He put words in my mouth and the main focus seemed to be "Intercede for the lost just as I intercede for you to My Father."

And i looked around at the people around me and i thought, "It's time to step it up." We, as leaders and His disciples, have the responsibility to listen to the convictions of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will teach us what we need to fix to be better and closer to God, but if we were to not listen to those convictions and do something about them we would be sinning.

How many convictions have been brought to your attention and you still have yet to change them? Let me tell you, we will be judged for not listening to the Holy Spirit. I don't know about you, but I have been at fault with this..I have also been at fault for not caring about the lost to intercede for them. I am being vulnerable here because vulnerability is where we find humility. Without humility, we cannot have an open heart..and without an open heart, we cannot obtain the revelation from God of who Jesus really is.

Jesus intercedes for us. Our job is to follow Christ's example and be as He is in all areas. If he intercedes, we must intercede. Who do we intercede for? This is easy: who are the ones we are meant to reach out to? The Lost.