Who am I?

As u see in my first blog, i like to write. What else about me? Well, i love God and want to grow more in Him. I'm in the process of growing and recently, i've found my calling and it's a long story, but it's amazing. So shall i start my summary of my life in these recent days?

A while before the year (Fall 08) started, I've been getting attracted to full-time ministry. I've been teaching middle school to high school girls when i was a sophmore here at FSU. I didn't think i was worthy and I didn't really think i'd be good enough, but after a while i got to love it and I still love it and don't regret it. I became a student leader at FSU ENCM and started co-leading in a lifegroup of women from FSU. Then I became confident about my calling into full-time ministry after a time process of just talking to God, fasting, and prayer and that's when the trouble began :)

I told my parents and they refused with no explanation. Just a simple, "No." My mom said, "No, I know what God told me. You're not supposed to be that. Why can't you just be normal? Just go to church. You can do ministry when you're a doctor. You don't have to travel the world to be in ministry. If you want to be in ministry, you should be a doctor or something."My father agreed with just a simple, "No." They believe that i'm just passionate because i'm at this age. "Trust me, I know."

So that made me sad and I felt hindered from doing what I'm supposed to be doing and I hated the idea of not doing this calling because I felt I had no purpose then. There is absolutely nothing because God would definately curse me for disobeying Him. So what happened after that was me feeling like i was in jail and i wanted to get out so bad because i was held against my will. I told God that I would forsake my family for Him and it was hard. God knew that I held my family close to my heart and that was the ultimate test He could ever give me. "Family or Me?" He challenged. I surrendered with tears. And then I went to Campus Harvest. I just went expecting to get confirmation. At campus harvest the first night was when someone shared the verse of where the disciples were unshackled and the jail doors opened by the earthquake and I immediatley felt my roof of my family completely shatter if there was any left over after I told God that I'd surrender and walk away from my family. It's completely gone by this point.

Anyway, I had a dream during this tough time. The dream: I walked out of my parent's house and started jogging down the neighborhood with tears and then the scene changed to me running full speed on a highway and it was POURING down rain and at this point i was crying my heart out the tears of sorrow, but at the same time I felt extremely happy in my heart. I rested under a bridge and looked out the rain and smiled.

My roommate, Lauren, interpreted the dream when i shared my dream with her. She explained: Once i take that initial step from my parents, i'd run headstrong. It's guaranteed that i'd face tons of hard times (that's what the pouring rain symbolized), but i'd still keep running and there will be times when God will give me bridges along the way to rest and smile with Him when I look back and see how far I'll go for Him.

I've been led to an internship called Engage. It's an internship in London hosted by Every Nation London and it's a 9 month internship that concentrates in all kinds of ministry. Each week or month or so, we do one ministry and then go into another. It's goal is for you to determine if this is your calling. I'll be applying September 2009 after I graduate Spring 09. Goal: $18,000.

I e-mailed my parents telling them that I don't care what they say; i'm gonna go because God is calling me and I can't ignore Him. They told me to come home and so I went back home in Ocala to see my parents a week before my spring break. My dad gave me a private talk and told me that they're still not too happy about it, but the bottom line is that they'll agree. I'm telling you, that made me extremely thankful and grateful to God. Once you surrender to Him, He'll bless you right back. Once I gave up my family, it seemed like in an instant He blessed me with a family. Now don't get me wrong, I can't guarantee immediate blessing from God here on earth if you surrender all to Him, but I promise you that He sees and He'll give you reward in Heaven when the time comes and you have fought the fight and ran the race II Timothy 4:7 :)

My dad told me that their main issue is money. This reminds me, I got Answering the Call by Ron Lewis and I got more confirmation through reading it. It's SO GOOD!! Anyway, when i heard my parent's issue about money for me, i understand their point of view, but i was like "Psh, money? Man, if God blesses me with my family, what's paper got to do with God? He can do anything!" So i'm not really worried about money, but i totally understand that it'll be hard but you know what? I don't care. It's what He wants me to do and He'll provide.

When I came back to Tallahassee, I went to IHOP and prayed to God for more confirmation after I prayed a prayer of thanks dealing with my family situation for a long time. I prayed about their issue with money and I asked Him to provide and for Him to confirm this calling that I already know is meant for me. I have no doubt. As soon as I stopped praying and walked out, my friend came up to me and pledged $1000 to me saying that I was meant to go to the internship that I'd like to go to. She shared with me her testimony of how God led her to pledge to me and I started crying. I went back and prayed thank you over and over.

I kept praying for confirmation and a while later, another confirmation came. My other friend gave me a check of $100. I never told him about it, but he said that he heard from the Grapevine and that was enough for me. Again, I prayed a prayer of thanks. God is good ALL the time!!

I soon got to talking with Ron Lewis to thank him for writing Answering the Call. He asked for updates and I told everything that's happened in summary form and it was just fantastic! And then I get an e-mail from him wanting my address to give me a check. And I just got it in the mail today.

My parents are supporting me of $4,000. I'm still amazed at the change of heart, but what can I say? I have a Father who can do all things. God is good all the time...even during the times when you don't see it.

I'm just giving you a quick summary of all the major things that's happened, but by no means have i listed all the bumps and hills during this journey so far. There's been a lot of trials and i know it's gonna get tougher as I grow, but with blessings as well. I tell you it's tough, but what fuels me is the vision of me slapping God in the face if I were to ignore this call. Instead of kneeling at the feet of Him who sits on the throne right now, i'd be standing up in defiance and slap Him in blasphemy if i were to do something/anything else. He must be feared!! And trust me, you don't want to fight Him at any cost and in any situation! Think about it: He can kill you the next time you even lie! Acts 5:1-11

That's how powerful He is. He must be feared. He is Just and at the same time Love.